thanks andy warhol...

i apparently got my 15 seconds of fame last night as i was on ch 2 news at 11...and it was one of the lead stories...haha.  too bad i have a tv but no cable, so i couldnt watch it!  i fell asleep anyway and completely missed it.  i was able to see the video online today though. it was kinda funny telling my friends that i was gonna be on the news...anyway. with that excitement over and done with, i am back to dealing with studying for this test, realizing that certain people that want to be my friend, i really dont want to be their friend...i finally have some kick ass hot water in my apt and im bored out of my mind.  nothing exciting to talk about. maybe later...

rain rain go away

so, i've had quite a stressful thanksgiving weekend, and the stress wasnt even caused by family!  my car was broken into on friday night and that sucked. bad. i was in a shitty mood but still went out - oh and the police still havent shown up to take my report...good thing i stopped waiting outside the garage for them after about and hour...anyway, i was in a shitty mood, went out anyway, and started an argument with a friend that was trying to be supportive, but i just saw the other stuff going on that irritated me and went off about that instead of appreciating him trying to be nice. then saturday most of my free saturday (which a rarity for me) i spent driving down to capitol heights, just outside of dc, to get my window replaced. the people were nice and they got it done in the time they said they would. but i was still pissed.  all that money spent on that window was supposed to be for christmas gifts. so im glad it went to a better use instead. fuckers. and the real bite in the ass is that the only thing they stole out of my car were the nickles and dimes out of my change...they took the time to go through all of that, and didnt take anything else.  they cost me almost 200 bucks for about 35 cents??? are you kidding me? so sunday was a downer cause i was just so bummed about the waste of money that those fuckers caused.  and now today i had off of work as well...i went to the gym and got beat up for 2 hrs and that was actually a bit cathartic...now i am waiting for channel 2 to contact me to do a story on the break ins in my garage. dont know if i will actually be on the news or not, but i am letting them into the garage so they can do the story...maybe the parking company will do what's right and at least not charge me for this month's rent...that would be awesome, but im not getting my hopes up...they're assholes just like everyone else is.

first one

i'll start with looking forward to 2009. this year has been one of many extremes for me. i have been the sickest i have ever been in my life, this past year.  i have been the most in love than i have ever been.  i have my heart broken the worst than it has ever been.  i have the least amount of sleep.  the most amount of stress. this is the most amount of times that i have moved in one year too. some of the best times and some of the worst times.  i have made it to this point in time where i am just looking for next year to be better.  there was the final ending of one era and the continued elongated start to the next...and it has been a long and sometimes agonizing transition.

i have been in a creative slump for a good part of the second half of the year.  my paintings have not been coming out the way that i want, my ideas just arent transforming, and when they do, they dont make it to the canvas correctly. it gets very frustrating. i am trying to force myself out of it. it may be starting to come around. im not sure yet.

im so bad at waiting for things. for anything. some material posession that i want, a person or relationship that i want, the results that i want, the success that i want, the failure that i know is imminent...i dont do waiting very well. i never have. i am determined, and i make sure that i get what i want. it doesnt always happen when i want, but i usually get what i want. and sometimes it turns out that what i wanted isnt what i wanted at all.  that seems to be a recurring theme this year.

with all of the ups and downs i have to say that in general, i think i like my current life. it has become much more comfortable to me recently. in the past couple of months or so. im liking it more and more as i learn about it more and more. i just hope that the one thing that i have wanted for over a year now and got a slight glimpse of, comes back but in a much more intense and longer lasting way than it did this year. im learning everyday what it is that makes me tick, and some of the revelations have been a bit surprising, but i like them. and i've begun to learn that this is me...